dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
