I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
