the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
