He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
