I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize