in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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