dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
