Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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