just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
