sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
