you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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