Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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