Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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