Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
