The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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