im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
