Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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