Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize