DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
