come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
