i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
