I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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