last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
