he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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