your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
