i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize