maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
