just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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