Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
