please come you make the beer taste better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
