just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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