Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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