I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
