babies were throwing up all over the place
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
