Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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