Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
