Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
