Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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