chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
