Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize