Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
