Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
