mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
