did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
