And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
