nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
