I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
