I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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