I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
