You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
