My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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