I cannot find my penis.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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