i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
