I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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