I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
