Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
