T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
