Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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