Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
