I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
