That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FUCK WHALES
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
