Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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