do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
