Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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